why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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