.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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