You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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