My hand turned me down
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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