is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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