It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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