I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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