just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
