Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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