i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
