You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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