He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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