he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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