hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
