haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
