he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
