dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
