I think my vagina is haunted
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
