you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
