She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
