yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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