I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
