just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
