Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
