he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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