Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
