woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
