...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
