Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
