Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
