Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
