I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there's paper in my vomit.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize