Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
