i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
