Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.