U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome