are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
