Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

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  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1372) Bad night (602)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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  (704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb
  Replies (26) Good night (6148) Bad night (870)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

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  (402): Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery. http://tfl.nu/iy17
  Replies (64) Good night (1726) Bad night (9809)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over

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  (706): You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over http://tfl.nu/x2t5
  Replies (318) Good night (5605) Bad night (3068)
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  (714): View more from California

  im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?

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  (714): im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join? http://tfl.nu/idc6
  Replies (16) Good night (4696) Bad night (1294)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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  (985): The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH http://tfl.nu/8euf
  Replies (39) Good night (4222) Bad night (681)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing

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  (917): i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing http://tfl.nu/u02m
  Replies (21) Good night (5397) Bad night (1955)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

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  (732): its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time http://tfl.nu/vuuh
  Replies (57) Good night (1136) Bad night (7816)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.

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  (801): He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life. http://tfl.nu/m63k
  Replies (10) Good night (966) Bad night (2424)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.

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  (814): You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out. http://tfl.nu/306z
  Replies (6) Good night (2459) Bad night (1381)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago

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  (602): Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago http://tfl.nu/ycpd
  Replies (4) Good night (2026) Bad night (747)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.

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  (+27): I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me. http://tfl.nu/p5fs
  Replies (13) Good night (552) Bad night (1005)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.

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  (806): It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there. http://tfl.nu/4q4i
  Replies (8) Good night (467) Bad night (1403)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah but the people love.

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  (781): Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus (908): Yeah but the people love. http://tfl.nu/k9ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1032) Bad night (381)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago

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  (217): if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago http://tfl.nu/bg9i
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (268)

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