Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today

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(404): I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today http://tfl.nu/iz45

Replies (31) Good night (5921) Bad night (2016)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.

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(404): You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/zmp3

Replies (12) Good night (5840) Bad night (644)
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(254): View more from Texas

it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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(254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm

Replies (15) Good night (2929) Bad night (1519)
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(858): View more from California

I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...

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(858): I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal... http://tfl.nu/9xti

Replies (20) Good night (1433) Bad night (3254)
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(281): View more from Texas

Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

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(281): Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together. http://tfl.nu/69iq

Replies (15) Good night (2873) Bad night (847)
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(352): View more from Florida

Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation

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(352): Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation http://tfl.nu/era3

Replies (4) Good night (3055) Bad night (802)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.

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(605): I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming. http://tfl.nu/djrq

Replies (15) Good night (1339) Bad night (3320)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

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(505): I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am. http://tfl.nu/o50r

Replies (26) Good night (3558) Bad night (718)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.

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(910): I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way. http://tfl.nu/yh0e

Replies (2) Good night (1381) Bad night (453)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.

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(402): At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket. http://tfl.nu/qyc9

Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (776)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.

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(614): I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower. http://tfl.nu/c26q

Replies (15) Good night (559) Bad night (1095)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?

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(828): he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me? http://tfl.nu/mhv8

Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (991)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight

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(780): My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight http://tfl.nu/tvtb

Replies (2) Good night (459) Bad night (913)
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(939): View more from Puerto Rico

After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep

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(939): After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep http://tfl.nu/5di1

Replies (3) Good night (603) Bad night (344)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.

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(215): I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking. http://tfl.nu/36vi

Replies (4) Good night (292) Bad night (666)

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