I saw his package. It spoke to me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt