dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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