Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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