Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
