How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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