dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
