I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
