I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
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