my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
