take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
