Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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