well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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