You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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