bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
