I met the friendliest cop last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
