So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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