Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
