If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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