are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
