all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
