THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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