I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
