so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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