He asked to "fluff my boner.."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
