Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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