if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
