I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
