69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
