now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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